One more thing...

I realized earlier today I forgot to blog about something last night. I forgot to talk about my mom's Celebration of Life party. To those who attended, please know it truly did mean a lot to me. I was very overwhelmed that day and did not get to talk to each and every person. I did not get much sleep the night before her party. My nerves were crazy! I kept telling myself that her party was her "funeral." I was hoping to gain closure, which I did not.

I got up very early the morning of the big day to help my dad set up everything. I got to the facility first (it is literally 2 miles from my house), and as I was driving through the entrance, right in front of me was a shooting star. I took that as a sign from mom. I am sure she loved her party. My sister and I made around 6-7 photo boards. I laughed because there are more pictures of my mom holding animals than children, lol.

There were many people who came throughout the day to her event. I was happy to see such a great turn out. I was so exhausted after it was over. I slept like a baby afterwards! Then the next day my grandma, my sister, and myself went through mom's clothes. You would think that would make things seem real, but it did not. I do have moments where it hits me. But overall, I still think I can call her up or go visit. One thing that was hard about my first day back to work was after the day was over. Driving home from work was the one time of the day I called her the most. And this was a big day- Liam had his first daycare experience! So instead I called my dad and Clint.

I am not trying to sound like a basket case about everything, and I do not want people to feel sorry for me. Just understand if I have moments I am not myself. I try to have those moments alone if I feel one coming. I miss my mom so much. No words can explain how that hurts. So seriously, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. You will not regret it!

I want to thank everyone for their thoughts, prayers, cards, texts, emails, phone calls, etc. during this difficult time. You all are so kind. Also a BIG thank you to my fellow xray peeps at Deaconess and their generous gift- I sure do love me some massages and you all rock for giving me that gift card to Fusion Spa! I love that place!

On a different and happier note:

I do not know if you all remember, but last year Kim Burkhart and I created the first ever Travis Burkhart Foundation Steps For Hope 5k/10k Walk/Run. Well this year it will be part of the opening ceremonies at the new I-69 in Washington, IN. The race will be on Saturday Oct. 20th at 9:00am (EST). If you miss out on pre-registering, you can still register day of race starting at 7:00am (EST).

Due to recent things in my life, I have not been able to help Kim out as much on preparing for the race. I want to thank her and the rest of the Burkhart family for being so kind and understanding. I have decided that 2013 will be my year. I will have more positive things happen, and I cannot wait to see what is in store for me!

Back to Reality

A couple of weeks ago, I returned back to work. I was actually looking forward to getting back into a routine. However, I was feeling anxious about Liam going to daycare. I knew he would be fine. Miss Jackie (daycare owner) is an absolute sweetheart. I was more worried about how I would handle being away from him the whole day after experiencing a very emotional maternity leave.

The morning of my first day back to work went well. I was showered and ready before Liam even woke up. As I laid him in his carseat before we left, he just kept smiling at me. So I took that as a sign everything would be just fine. Liam does great at daycare! Miss Jackie along with the other workers have told me multiple times how much they adore Liam and how he is such a good baby. Also, they have said they wish they could clone Liam and have all babies be like him! I am not trying to be "that mom," but I am pretty lucky. Liam sleeps 10 hours at night, and he really only fusses if he is hungry. Believe me, I am not saying everything is perfect because it is not. I was almost late for work the other morning because Liam had a blow out. The kind that was on me, the carpet, and almost up to his neck. He sure felt better as he kicked his legs and cooed!! LOL
Going to daycare also means being exposed to germs. So he did catch his first cold. I noticed earlier tonight he is starting to get over it. Even with his congestion, runny nose, and crud going on he still smiled a lot. He did not get that from me because I hate being sick and tend to whine a lot when I am. :)

Even though I am back into a normal routine- work, gym, church, lazy family days, etc., I still have a hard time adjusting without my mom. I still want to call her for advice on things. I miss her so much. I still have so much pain and emotion that has yet to come out. I am not going to lie, I am not looking forward to the holidays. My first without both Grandpa Bill and my mom. It just does not seem real. The other night I wanted to call her so bad and ask for her advice on something. Instead I held Liam and cried like a baby looking at the pics I have of him and my mom on the night he was born.

This weekend I will experience my first night away from Liam. Thanks to Clint's dad and stepmom, he and I are going to have a date day/night. We have the day planned with different wineries and shops, and will end our night with some karaoke. Clint and I love to sing karaoke, but keep in mind we do not think we are professionals. It is just a lot of fun! I plan on attempting a Tanya Tucker song in honor of my mom. :) I am looking forward to a much needed relaxing day with my husband. I know Liam will do fine at his grandparents, and I am pretty sure they are excited about their overnight guest!

I hope everyone has a great week!